How To: Survive Day Drinking

Day drinking isn’t as taboo now as it used to be, mostly because people have come to realize that 1.) It’s pretty much the same as regular drinking, just not at night. 2.) We don’t have to be vampires to enjoy a few beers.

However, if you choose to partake in the art of day drinking – and it is an art – it’s crucial for you to have a survival guide. Whether you’re dedicating a full day to patio lounging and sipping margaritas by the pool, or doing a little necessary prep for dinner later with your partner’s conservative family (hey, not judging) follow these tips to keep your buzz going without burning out.

Pick Your Poison

…And stick with it. There are conflicting opinions on mixing booze. Mythbusters claim it really doesn’t matter and that there are no known adverse effects. But then of course there are those super catchy quips like “Beer before liquor, never been sicker”. Look, whatever the truth is, now is not the time to experiment. Decide on what you’re drinking and stay within that general vicinity. Don’t ride the red wine train if you’re planning to make stops in sambuca-ville, get it?

(Also if you choose to do tequila shots all day, RIP.)

Pace Yourself

Slow down, you animal. You’ve got all damn day. Put that funnel down. It’s important to keep yourself coasting on a steady buzz if your end goal is to stay alive and not pass out. Start slow, drink the ABV way – ‘alcohol by volume’. The lower the alcohol content the better your chances are at endurance; but make sure you’re not opting for high sugar content either!

Alternatively, if your plan actually is to go full tilt Marissa Cooper and get crazy-faced, well, you do you. See you in an alley somewhere in Tijuana!

Stuff Your Face

If you’ve been looking for an excuse to pig out, this is your chance. This is your big opportunity. Take it. Shine bright, like a diamond. You need to be eating throughout the day, so go for that boozy brunch and make sure to pile up your plate while you sip mimosas. Eggs benny with homefries, anyone? Of course if you’re at home it’s probably a wise idea to have healthy snacks on hand as well, but the truth is that when you’re drinking you crave fatty foods. So go for it. Order the spicy burrito with extra guac and let’s hope that you can taste it.

Hydrate

Water is essential, especially when your body is, you know, lacking it severely. Don’t think that your 9-5 boozefest is going to keep you in top form simply because you’re ingesting liquid. “But my body is made of water!”, you protest. Yeah, okay, but…….well I don’t really have a good comeback for that at the moment because I’m drinking wine while writing this. But do you know what else I’m drinking? Water. And it’s helping. Just do it, trust.

Go To The Bathroom

On that note, wherever you are while indulging in your luxe libations make sure you have quick and easy access to a bathroom. “Where would I possibly be drinking that doesn’t have a bathroom?”, you protest yet again. Well, I can think of two places. Let’s say it’s a gorgeous sunny afternoon and everyone in the whole city had the exact same idea, which is to congregate at a popular rooftop patio for some quality Vitamin D basking. It’s the best day ever and you’re enjoying your seven consecutive mojitos when suddenly you have to pee. Like, really bad. You zip over to the little girls room only to discover an egregiously long line-up winding down the hall and around the corner. Ughhhhh. Day drinking requires more convenient seating charts; bathroom proximity over picturesque views of the cityscape. Priorities, man!

Also, what if you’re camping? Out in the woods in the middle of nowhere, you better have a cottage or porta-potty within running distance, or be okay with going Charmin Bear style.

Become A Recluse

When you reach a certain point of day-drunk, after you have inevitably neglected to follow all of these steps because YAY WINE, there is one thing you need to do: turn. Off. Your. Phone. My friend, if you have crossed over to the ‘bad place’ it is your responsibility to go off the grid, fly under the radar, hole up like a monk – all for your own good. Do you really want to risk becoming that ex-texting cliche who ends their night crying into their iPhone screen while listening to Coldplay’s “The Scientist”…again? There are preventative measures such as apps and good friends who will confiscate your devices and duct tape on your hands. Make use!

And if you were a little too tipsy to read this all the way through, bless you. Just remember to drink responsibly and keep mid-afternoon pizza delivery menus close at hand.

Cheers!